Do I brag and tell you all about my lovely trip to Santa Barbara where I visited beautiful hotels, had a relaxing spa day, and indulged in overwhelming calories on flaky crusted appetizers, a goat cheese stuffed ravioli, and wine tasting? I am a lucky woman. I live in gorgeous Southern California, only to be able to visit more gorgeeeeeouus cities merely a few hours away. As most are still feeling the affects of cold weather and barely able to differentiate a branch from one tree to the next, I got to “get away” from the beaches and 75 degree weather and drive up The Coast and indulge in the abundance of evergreens that line the hills and coastline, flowering trees everywhere you turn, and lush green countryside surrounding me. As a gardener I was tickled by the dramatic cascading of the the wisteria, over abundant blooms of the azaleas, and first buds of the gardenias which were just beginning to peek through to share their musky, rich aroma. So, bragging? Maybe just a little. But what did I take away to impart to my audience this rainy Monday morning?

I got nothing!

Okay, for any of my followers, and most assuredly people who know me…I always have something say. So, I shall not walk away without a little something, even if it is not some inspirational, deep meaning concept. (Okay, I may be thinking my past writings are more than they are, but indulge me a little.)

I am going to talk about pot. Yes, you read that correctly. Good old pot, marajuana, ganji, weed…or whatever the young’ins might be calling it today. I, myself, do not indulge in the hallucinogenic, nor do I think it is a good thing for the general public. (I am not here to debate the value.) But, my prejudice may have made me miss out on something beautiful. No! I did not get high and “see” the world in a whole new light. I might have come across a few people willing to sell it to me this weekend, had I asked. But as a responsible human being that feels that “drugs” are not good for society I might have been a little quick to judge something that had actually taught me a good lesson about life and what I might miss if I do not allow my world to be broadened.

I was in a store this weekend that had a “shop” downstairs. As my friend was browsing the clothes, I found my way down the black carpeted stairs to a dungeon like room. A nice young man, his curly hair wildly falling beyond his shoulders over his wrinkled t-shirt, generously greeted me as I ascended into the cavernous space. I questioned my myself as I found myself not retreating. My curiosity was more demanding than my fear.  To my surprise, the room was surrounded in glass display cases. It was an exhibit, or see it seemed. The display cases held a vast collection of the most beautifully hand-blown glass pieces of art I have seen in a long time. The shapes were truly inspirational from dragons, sea life, animals, and creatures unknown, to beautiful flowers and fairies, and many other amazing, aesthetic shapes. The colors were eye catching and the intricate designs were awe -inspiring. Working with glass and creating art is difficult, time consuming, and detailed. But when someone can do it right, it is truly incredible. This room housed some of the finest pieces of glassware I have seen in a long time. I literally was amazed at what I was viewing: A room full of creative bongs!

So, I browsed and enjoyed the art…even though I could not condone their use. For the skill, beauty and creativity was worth my admiration. I would have missed it had I not put aside my prejudices and seen beyond the purpose. I was looking at true art.

So, what is my takeaway: Sometimes, if we step outside ourselves, and look beyond the obvious, we may be awe-inspired. Tweet this

Have a wonderful week. Thanks for reading!

I am doing what many writers do on a Sunday. I am reading! I happen to be reading The Sheltering Sky, by Paul Bowles. As I sat down with my coffee, a rare indulgence for me these days with my new lifestyle, healthy diet,  I was debating on whether or not I wanted to finish the book. Was I loving it enough to spend my precious hours on it? This is what I ask myself these days when I pick up a book. I cannot say I am loving the characters. They seem rather egocentric. So self indulgent! But I could not resist my propensity for fashion, imagining Kit dressed in some fabulous outfit of the 1940’s, or watching Port handsomely attired in generous trousers with his lean frame cinched with some fine leathered belt. But as I read about the filthy conditions of the The Grand Hotel in some godforsaken city in Africa, and being forced to imagine the smell of latrines while continually swatting flies, I wondered how far my love of fashion would hold out. But then it happened. The quote of the day slapped me across the face:

“One never takes the time to savor the details, one said: another day but always with the hidden knowledge that each day is unique and final, that there would never be a return, another time.” -Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky

There it was! My message for today. (And also my decision to continue the book!)

I truly believe we get messages…if we listen. They are there all the time. But with our busy lives, or our “logical” mind that tells us to ignore what is so obvious, we tend to miss them. What we need. What we pray for. When we ask for help, or direction. The messages, the way, or the answer is usually there for us. We just need to recognize them.

The fact that you are reading this now…is your sign. You needed this.

I am no scholar. I am not a sage…well, that is a blog for some other time. But I am a conduit for some. We are all conduits for someone, or something. WE are connected to certain people, places, animals, events for a reason. WE HAVE A PURPOSE. We just need to recognize our roles in the daily lives we lead. We need to stop seeing each day as a series of things to accomplish and realize that each day is there for living in the moment. We have a purpose today..not for what is to come, but what is here right now.

“Stop seeing each day as a series of things to accomplish – realize each day is for living in the moment.” – Tweet That

That quote today is my reminder of this. I seem to forget often. I woke up this morning with a panic of all that I had to do: for tomorrow, for this week, for this month. I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet for today! Wow…talk about not living in the moment!

Last night I was out with some friends. I was asked about something in my future. I turned to my girlfriend and said, “I have no idea what the future holds for me.” And I don’t. I know what I would like. I know what are my dreams and aspirations. I know what my reality is. I know I get depressed at imagining what it might hold for me. I get excited of what could happen. But that is so wasteful of my energy. I don’t know what is going to happen to me! How many times has life thrown that in my face??? Too many to count. Rightly so. It is the universe’s way of reminding me, “Today is important.”

It is a lovely day…here in California. (Sorry to those not blessed with 77 degrees in the middle of February.) The air is soft, the non-bearing pears are in bloom, and my life is quiet and peaceful as I sit here reading and writing. This blessing will be done and never to be experienced again. I am going to enjoy it for what it has to offer…and remember that although final, today is unique and should be savored.

“Be careful what you wish for,” a friend of mine warned. It left me with such an ominous feeling. Why should wishes be a scary thing? Shouldn’t they come riding on a unicorn wrapped up with rainbow ribbons, through a mist of pink confetti? Wishes are suppose to be magical. What kid didn’t tightly shut their eyes before a candlelit birthday cake imagining all that was possible? So why, as we grow up, do wishes merely become some ominous warning?

I guess when you grow up reality sinks in. The things we sometimes really want are not what is best for us. Damn! I hate when you have to grow up and face the real world. Reality bites! I guess that is why we grownups drink so much. Okay, maybe that is why I drink so much. But I digress…

My friend wasn’t trying to be a downer. Okay, maybe he was. He is older (well, at least older than me) and probably a little grumpy. (I know I will get payback for that comment!) But that doesn’t mean his words did not hold some truth. They hold great truth. We do put forth energy into the universe. What you wish for may seem so wonderful in your mind. But after the dreams, comes the reality that nothing is perfect, going to make you happy, fix problems, or make life better. Wishes are just dreams. Not reality. And in the end we must all face reality.

But that doesn’t mean that I am not a little annoyed. He made me have to think responsibly. I hate that! Sometimes it is okay to imagine an alternate reality. Imagining is healthy. Or at least, needed for balance. The world can suck you dry and spit you out if you didn’t let your imagination run a little wild at times. But when does wishing take over your imagination? Does wishing take it too far?

Wishing is a hope for something that that cannot or probably will not happen. What is the harm in that? Hope for something should be good. Hope should inspire a person, lift them up, and give them encouragement. Hope has saved many lives, conquered evil, built countries, and given people something to believe in. That is all good, right? Sometimes, we just need a break from our every day lives to look up to a star and wish…for something that may not happen. But oh, when in that moment, you are once again that giddy child in front of that birthday cake.

I sometimes catch myself wishing for “something that will not happen.” I know better, and berate myself for not being in the here and now. I didn’t need my friend to remind me of such frivolity. I am a practical person most of the time. I never really trusted in wishes. They always seemed to disappoint me. But as my life is passing by more quickly each day (my kids are proof of that), I have given into the indulgence of wishing. Maybe it is because the likelihood of them coming true are so slim, I see no harm in daydreaming. I mean, come on…a Scottish man is not really going to walk up to my front door, whisk me off to a castle, and make love to me like I have never known before! The only man coming to my door is the dry cleaner. Although a nice man, he probably couldn’t lift me. So, maybe wishing comes full circle. As a child you wish for all that is possible. But as you grow older, you no longer wish for what is possible, but rather, what is impossible. Either way, wishing is magical!

Welcome back my fellow readers!

I had taken some time off during the holidays to enjoy the finer details of life that we writers seem to forget. It is called life outside the clicking of keys. In ways, I have missed it. But if truth be known, I have been hesitant to start up again. I feared my “inspiration” was no longer there. I started doubtingly my ability to complete my third novel, or if I had it in me to actually be a writer. Self doubt rears its ugly head!

I have read so many blogs about starting the new year, resolutions, getting organized, and making plans. Like this is some new, magical concept as the clock ticks past midnight on January first! But the truth is, as wisdom allows, that inspiration, resetting your goals, and organizing your life is not an annual thing. It is a daily thing! It doesn’t take reading advice on jumpstarting your writing, charts to plan your future, or setting reading lists to become a new and improved writer. It just takes sitting down and doing it…AGAIN.

No, I am not one of those happy-go-lucky, zen masters who “feel” that each day is an opportunity for greatness…sort of. But I do believe that each thought is a chance to turn things around. Each decision is a chance at betterment. Each time you look ahead is your opportunity to shoot for what you see.

I just turned a magical age. I will not disclose, for what is age really??? But a few years back, when I was gearing up for this “undisclosed age” I was lamenting getting older. A dear friend turned to me and said, “Birthdays are a blessing.” Say what??? (She was not as old as me and couldn’t possibly grasp the downside of what age does to your mind, body, and significance in the world.) She explained: A friend of hers died of cancer very young. Each birthday was a celebration of another day of life.

Powerful, and it has stuck with me ever since.

This brings me back to my point of all these lofty New Year Resolutions. They are just that: exalted thoughts. I don’t need a new year to inspire me to lose weight, get organized, plan for my future, read more books, or whatever all those articles/blogs are spewing out. Every day is my new year. For life isn’t what it holds tomorrow, but what it is today. Today and every minute is a chance to  be inspired, get your things together, make decisions that will put you where you want to go. Today is going to be the best day of your life! For yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come.

I knew my writing was not “inspired,” per se. My gift to write may be inspirational, but my ability to make it happen is all me. I don’t need to wait for the hands on a clock to tick past a certain number, or a magical sign that it is time to do something important. A decision, a thought, a will, and an action, today, is all it takes. Writing is in me, like the blood flowing through my veins. I have words and stories constantly being created, and wanting to get out. I am not waiting for some grand gesture or moment for them to be created. If I sit my butt down, put my fingers to the keys…they will come. Today I shall write! Today I shall continue to be the best person I can be. Today I shall look at my life ahead with the knowledge that I am blessed with another day.

Forbidden Kiss

Pulled together

Where we abandon our character

Our heartbeats meet in rhythm

If only by breath

Our souls unite

I write women’s fiction, so I am the creator of many kisses. I am not saying this is hard, but I feel a duty to give my readers something worthy. I am a romantic. I love the idea of kissing and the whole experience of a kiss. My favorite kiss? Roman Holiday, Gregory Peck & Audrey Hepburn’s kiss before they part. Terribly simple, sweet, and meaningful. It shaped my ideas of a kiss and how I deliver them in a scene. I want to give kisses the honor they deserve.

But, are kisses still relevant? The whole idea of kissing seems to get tossed out for a pair of handcuffs. From years of soap operas, to the sex driven television shows, and bigger than life movies, a kiss is merely a formality, deconstructed for all to see (waaaaaay to much at times), and the nuances are lost in its generic action. Kissing another human being has become more common than shaking hands.

I want to bring back the kiss! No, this does not entail me scurrying about and kissing men at random. (I think my husband would look down upon that kind of zealous revolution!) So, in the the only way that I can, I choose to write about them. I want my readers to remember the value of what makes a kiss, a kiss. I have to make it a worthy read. Lips uniting, tongues thrashing…can only go so far. Anyone can write that! You have to make the reader want the kiss as much as the character. They must feel the passion driving the need for two bodies to unite in breath, not just body. It is what separates it from just merely an action and it becomes something you feel.

So, what makes a kiss memorable? Like in life, there has to be a story that leads up to it. What makes a kiss a kiss is the desire and wanting before it even happens.

Jane had no intention of intimacy, but as she glanced up, his eyes met hers, moving her with their sentiment. They were the same eyes she gazed into as she sleepily awoke that afternoon by the pond. The pools of darkness were now inviting her to dive in. Her body shivered as his body shadowed over her. – Finding Jane

But when a kiss is delivered, it should describe the sentiments, not the details. I don’t want a description of the minutiae! It should generate the feelings of pleasure, intimacy, and meaning.

“Damn you!” he shouted, shocking Jane with a fury in his voice. He grabbed her forcibly, entrapping her in his arms. The dark storm in his eyes raged as he came down upon her lips, kissing her urgently. It was as if he wanted to swallow her whole being, dragging her down into the depths of his soul. He was not gentle as he thrust his tongue inside, tasting her, and breathing her in. His lips were strong muscles exercising their right to overpower her. He slid his arm down her back, pushing her further inside his embrace, his hips pressed into her with no constraints on his desire. – Finding Jane

How many times can you write about a kiss and make it different, passionate, exciting, worthy? Well, honestly, there are a million ways to write about a kiss. That is the beauty of a kiss. No two are alike! And the pleasure is endless. (Men! Make note of this!) Kisses have all sorts of meaning, purposes, and results. As ancient as the action of a kiss is, it never ceases to amaze us, or affect us. I hope my writing can remind men and women alike that the kiss is still alive and well!

Unrequited

Today is my anniversary. I started Writerdeeva a year ago. I also was married thirteen years ago. No, neither has anything to do with one another. Just happens to fall on the same day. So, before I continue, “Happy Anniversary, honey!”

Thoughts of the past year…

I finished my first novel and started to query a year ago. Honesty, it seems like it has been three years! The process is painful, time consuming, mind consuming, and continues. But, when I think back at all that I have accomplished, I guess I have to stop and pat myself on the back. But do I have anything to flaunt? I have finished two novels, querying both, both under review, and have two more being written, as well as the launching of this blog. Not bad for a year in review. But what “successes” have I had? No author should ever ask themselves that question. It only brings on the feelings of inadequacies. God knows, I get enough of those feelings from being a wife and mother! (Especially with a teenager!) But I digress….

Writing is a long, slow process. Nothing happens overnight in this industry. So, when you tell people you are writing it is hard to keep them interested in what you do when they cannot “see” any successes. People get tired of me saying, “Hey, I had someone ask for my manuscript!” Four months later they are still wondering what the punchline is? It means nothing in the process of being published to query, be asked for 100 pages, request the manuscript, then require revisions, only to be rejected. The process is long! There are no days in this industry….only months. Or for most, there is nothing but silence. I am one of the lucky ones. I actually get responses. That is progress, and progress moves towards success. That is exciting to me! But to everyone else, nothing is a sign of success unless they have a book in hand. Only then are you actually a “writer.” You cannot be considered successful until your name is in print!

They say you should be confident in writing and admit that you are a writer. But I gave that up awhile ago. When people ask what I do, and I claim, “I’m a writer,” they invariably want to know where they can buy my book. Then that awful feeling of inadequacy has to seep out with the words, “Um, I am not published yet, but working on it.” The interests wanes and you are looked at as a wannabe. Kind of like saying you are an actor and are waiting tables. Their respectability goes down a notch, and they give you that pitiful look and say, “Oh, that is nice.” No one is asking me what I am working on, or how my writing is going, or curious how my day went. Well, because, it isn’t really work. I am just writing. It is kind of like eating Bon-Bons or watching a move…something frivolous in my day.

But in the year of review, when I calculate all that I have completed, I have to admit a pride that soars through my head. Well, maybe a little in my heart too. I have done a lot. It feels good. I have written…in the free moments of the day, long lost hours of the night, stolen times waiting in the car. I have put forth a lot of time, hours, and determination, as well as joy, into my writing. I have done more than anyone could possible know, or want to know. (Except for a fellow writer.) It isn’t sexy or exciting to be a writer. It is a lonely business, with very, VERY little pats on the back, or someone admiring your work. It is something I do because I love it. I have stories in my head waiting to be written. I have words that need to be seen. I have a heart of a writer, and thus, I believe I am a writer. Whether I have something to “show for it.”

Happy Anniversary, Writerdeeva! 

Sometimes, I wonder what my life will be like as I view it from my rocking chair. This, of course, is when I am in my 90’s…for I plan on living a very long time! But as I look out on the life that will happen, I wonder. Will I have regrets? Will I find peace at the choices I made? Will my life have been full? But more importantly, did I do what I was supposed to do?

I have so many things in my life keeping me up at night. Thankfully, nothing fatal. Just life! Nothing more or less than anyone else doesn’t experience. But as the hours ticked by, in the still of the night, my mind was like an old machine heavily churning its wheels, clanking away sounds only heard by my thoughts. “What will tomorrow bring?”

As the sunlight slowly appeared, I realized that my sleepless night was in vain. I have no idea what life has in store for me! Maybe this is wisdom, or maybe it is being practical, but I have learned that nothing ever turns out as you had planned. Good or bad. To plan what will happen tomorrow is difficult. Each day comes, and brings with it possibilities and problems that I would never have expected. Nothing is a for-sure thing. And as I have learned, nothing lasts forever. My misery will soon fade, and my happiness will be but a memory. Life is not stuck, nor is it constant. It just is…

You always read that you have to live in the moment. What does that mean???? It always seemed like a flaky concept. You have to plan for retirement! You have to plan for your car to breakdown! You have to plan for groceries for the week! For God’s sake, you have to plan things or else you are just floating around letting things happen to you. Is that a bad thing? For me, YES! My brain doesn’t function that way.

But life has this funny thing that it does to you. It slaps you up and down every once in awhile. Just to make sure you are awake, and experiential. That is probably the message. Plan away, but don’t get lost in the destination. Experience the journey. What seemed an impossibility yesterday, may seem like a dream in the future, but in the present it may be just good to know it is there to achieve. Heck, it may never happen, or turn out worse than you thought. Who knows! Who the hell knows!!! I don’t.

Life. I thought I had it all figured out at twenty-five. Then it blew up. Then I thought it was going towards a dream I had always imagined. Then it blew up. Then I got it back on track. Then it blew up. Ha! Did I say life slapped you up and down? It does. So, to plan my future…nope, not going there. Do I dream anymore? Sometimes I indulge. But mainly I try to start each day like a wise child. Yes, an oxymoron. But this is what I mean. I try to maintain that sense of excitement for what is to come, but with the knowledge that it won’t make or break me. Each day brings me forward to the experience of living, not just a life. That is what the journey is about.

I write all the time now. I have had rejection…No, I have had a lot of rejection. But that just means I am whittling through the agents that are not right for me. I am getting closer to the one that is best for me. Ha…and right now that is just fine. I have gotten great feedback, some are looking at both manuscripts, some have asked for revisions and some have just passed. I have not failed. Nor have I succeeded. But I am writing. I am getting better, and I am growing stronger as a person and writer. So, the journey isn’t bad. It isn’t great. But it is…and that is my life.

So, my 90-year-old self will not look back with a furrowed brow. I do not plan on putting in columns my failures and successes, or my sins and good deeds. I don’t think that is what it is all about. It is the experience…and I hope I do my soul justice. I hope to not just say I lived a life….but experienced life!

Energy. “En” meaning within, “ergon” meaning work. It is the property of matter and radiation to perform work. It is electrical currents that flow around us. It is what we are made of. It is our life source to God. Yet, we seem to think so little of its power. We humans don’t tap into it. It is like air; it is just there.

Except when it is in full force.

I was speaking to another writer the other day. I said, “Did you feel it?” He understood. We had just come off a full moon. It was like someone zapped my creative juices and they were all of sudden flowing out of me. My mind was a tidal wave of thoughts and I couldn’t type fast enough. Needless to say, my third book is on its way to being written.

This energy thing is amazing. It is a high like no other. I almost feel my blood tingle as it wraps around my body. I smile more, I sing more (in spite of my daughter begging me to stop), I dance when no one is looking. Oh hell, even when they are looking. I laugh and just feel good. I love this energy! Love that bright ball in the sky. The golden yellow that lights up the world below in a magical dream. It is almost like you can see a mystical alter universe basking in its glow. That is the power of the full moon. It opens up the energy force to its brightest level.

And then it fades.

Or at least the moon cycles around, pulling the energy in an ebb and flow around us. It doesn’t mean that I am not creative, or I stop writing. The remnants of the energy are still working its magic on my creative force. It is just not as “giddy” as that burst from the full moon.

So, how do we capture it? How do we maintain the creative force that is around us.

I say be conscious of it. Know that there is more to the world than flesh and bones, the here and now, the physical elements. Energy is all around us, connecting us to each other, to creativity, to a more knowing sources of the world around us. My friend and I are writers and may just take the time to tap into it for our work. But everyone has the potential to do the same. You will be amazed of what you can see if you just realize it is there.