Life is funny…well, not really. It is not funny at all. It is just plain hard at times. And just when you think it is hard, it has a way of knocking you down even further. Just to remind you that it isn’t funny! Whose idea is this????
Don’t get me wrong. I have a good life. I am blessed. I am not hungry. I have a nice roof over my head. I have family and friends that love me… most of the time. I have my health. I live in America where freedom is still the lay of the land, or until the Liberals have their way with it. (Yes, that was a political dig. Just having some fun with you!!) But for the most part, my life is good. But that doesn’t mean it is not hard, or I don’t have very difficult struggles to deal with. See, that is the thing. We all have “things” to deal with. NO ONE’s life is picture perfect and easy. Everyone, no matter what you see on Facebook or Instagram, has their hardship. Well, because, life is hard!
Life isn’t funny, fun, easy, or fair. It is a journey of our souls to explore, develop, grow, learn, and ultimately become better, kinder, human beings in this evolution of humanity, and hopefully fulfill our purpose. Life is experiential. It is not a means to an end. It is the “means” that we must relish. Are we missing this as humans? Yes, yes we are. But that doesn’t mean that you have to.
I sometimes get caught up in the “world” a little too much. Not that you shouldn’t care about humanity and what goes on around us. But, I sometimes forget about this moment…this life that I am living in the here and now. Judging it against what I have done, and where I might go. I forget about my life, in the here and now. My own soul and its purpose seems to get caught up in the what I didn’t do, and will I do what I am suppose to do before I die.
So how what does this have to do with writing? I’m getting to that!!
Like so many days, I got another rejection letter. This one was quick. Sent it out yesterday early evening, and got a turn around this morning. Whew! Didn’t even have time to have hope! (They seem to come more quickly these days.) I even wonder if someone is actually reading them. As soon as it said, “upmarket fiction” or “set in Victorian England” it was dumped! Okay, so I am not right for that agent. Move on! Or do I? Nope, for about an hour I let the rejection flow through my blood, eating away at the sand tower of what I call confidence. You know, the one as soon as someone steps on it, it caves onto the ground? Then you have to push up the sides slowly, packing in the sand again, higher and higher until you have the mound high enough to claim it a hill again? That is the confidence of a writer!
But here is the thing. I am a writer. I am not going to ever stop being a writer. I thrive writing, am good at it, and it makes me happy; fulfilled. I need to enjoy this immediate “thing” in my life, outside of what was, or what will become of it. That rejection is no way is going to stop me from continuing to write. That rejection doesn’t define me as a writer today. That rejection will have no effect on what may happen in the future. So why do I give it so much power of what I am doing today? Today I continue to write, develop, grow, and become better. It brings me happiness and fulfillment in a life that is filled with hardships. I feel like I am fulfilling my soul’s purpose. Why would I waste another moment on that rejection???? To become a published author is difficult; a lottery win. It can be daunting and overwhelming. The road to get there can be long and filled with hundreds of bumps along the way, and even more so when you actually get there. So, what does that mean? Do I stop? Do I roll over and claim failure?
I wish we could all go through life with a better sense of identity. How much more would we cherish each day? Life does not always seem blissful in retrospect, or even in day to day living. Looking forward can be daunting. But that is only because we put so much weight into thinking about it. And quite honestly, it is so wasteful of our time when we can’t change the past and have no idea what tomorrow may bring. If we would just settle down and take each moment as the purpose of living, and not just the road we are traveling on, it might look a little different when we look out the window.
Again, I am no Zen master. (Just been reading Eckert Tolle lately…) I am human like the rest. I fall into the trap of shame and questioning self worth just like the rest of you. (Have you read my poems???) Being a writer, or any artist, puts us at even more risk of this behavior. But then I am reminded, “Stop that!” We all need to be reminded that our lives are valuable, our purpose is ever changing, and the journey to get there is reason we are here.
So, today, I write. I write because I love it. I write because it fulfills me. I write because I need to. It is there for anyone who wants to see it, reject it, or ignore it. But it is still going to be there. My success or failure of writing should not be defined by others. It really should be defined by me. I know, I am my hardest critic. Aren’t most of us. But we must remember that our lives are not defined by our past, or our future, but what is right in the moment of what we do with it right here, right now. Today I write. Today I call myself a writer. A rejected one, but a writer all the same.