You all mock me
My love life the butt of your jokes
As if I am some kind of freak to have loved
So many times…
As if you are all better than me
Do you think I had not loved with all my heart
Committed my soul
Had my dreams
Worked longer, pushed harder, struggled ferociously
Is not the tearstained road I have traveled worth anything?
Do you think I do not know my own failures?
The billboard of lights flashing above my head:
Unlovable, Ashamed, Unworthy, Fool...LOSER!
When did my broken dreams become the casualty of your mockery?
You, who parade around with smug righteousness
Badges of honor in gold and silver
As if you have something I am incapable of
Something I am not deserving
My heart is no different than yours
Mine has been torn a part
Ripped to shreds, stomped on
Cast aside, disposed; thrown away like it was nothing
So, yes, maybe you are different than me
Maybe you are blessed
To have someone who loves you for all that you are and all that you aren’t
Through good and bad, thick and thin, better and worse
Someone who is truly committed to you and will love you through time
But what if you didn’t? What if…
Maybe you mock what scares you the most
Being empty, alone, and unloved
Thrust aside as if you were…insignificant
Your heart broken…bludgeoned beyond repair
Would you look like me then?
I survived, picked up every tattered piece, wiped up my tears, bandaged my wounds
I persevered, and moved ahead
To love again…and yes, again
And will continue to do so, in spite of your judgment, the snickers of laughter at my expense
I will not break from your words, the constant reminder of my failures thrown about as if I am the laughable fraud of marriage
Forever will I seek love in the purest form, for I have only that to give
My purest self is love…mutilated and shredded, but not taken away from me
Pitiful is the man who lets others break his spirit! I say
But you should know…
My heart is still there, as damaged as it may seem to you
As damaged as I may seem to you
It beats just like yours…maybe only a little stronger for the wear
One thought on “Mirror, Mirror…”
Very deep and heart wrenching.