(Lydia Crocheting in the Garden at Marley, Mary Cassatt, 1880)
Playing Chess With Lucifer
I wonder what you see
The face that once you looked
Lines of time, pallor of age
A young woman that no longer exists
I see it, saddened by my own loss
Cringing at what will never come again
Pained by God’s cruelty
Or is it Lucifer…who knows?
How wasted it was, never reaching out, never acting upon what could have been
Do you judge me the way I judge myself?
Do you regret what I regret?
I remember the man you once were
The man you still are
More than you could imagine to be
I see that…I see you, hidden in the depths of your making
An image of what you were supposed to become
Living up to everyone’s expectations
But where are you now, lost in the walls of your own making?
Wanting desperately to flee, if only for a moment, to escape the weight of yourself
Are we all doomed to the solitude of despair?
I hear you, your call for reprieve
Your hidden desires flare in the compounds of your words
Letting me know you are still there, reaching towards me
Unable to take hold, but wanting all the same
If only for those few moments where our lives are unbound by time
My spirit rises, a joy that finds me in my darkness
And I wonder…I wonder what you see