(Blue Nude, Pablo Picasso, 1902)

 

Revelations of Truth

I am already a woman of failure

Less than worthy to be admired

The benefactress of ridicule…the butt of jokes as if it is fair game

My life…my mistakes, my blunders, my missteps,

(My losses, my heartaches, my despair)

I cannot change what I have been, my life of love so failed

On display for commentary by all…by you

Your kindness towards me a mere charade of your perception

A pretense of your mockery

But to fail as a mother…

The one thing you hold sacred

No…

I am not ready to see that judgment in your eyes

You won’t be able not to

It will come so naturally you will wonder how you ever saw me differently before

No…

I am not ready for the finger pointing

The talks behind my back

The judgements…the judgments, always the judgments

As if I have not pointed my own finger at the woman in the mirror…stared at the woman in pathetic examination

As if my head has not rattled the million thoughts of my failures; my  own vilification

As if I have not been my own court of condemnation; flogging my soul with damnation

No…

Not now

I am not ready to reveal my weakest part

I am not strong enough

Not yet…not to you