Sex and the Writer  

Now that I have your attention!

I was wondering when I might get a few more hits on my blog. The best way was to talk about sex! That always draws people in. How cheap of me…but I will not disappoint! Or maybe I will.

Sex. Everyone wants to read about it, but how much is too much? That is the balance of a writer and ultimately what kind of writer you will be categorized. I hate to disappoint, but I am NOT an Erotica writer. If you have read my blog before, you know I cringe to think of myself as one of those naked man covered books. (Not that there is anything wrong with those!) I just can see my father looking down from Heaven shaking his head in disgrace if he were to see me write about a, “hot muscle pulsating between her hands.”

I digress again from my point…sorry. Sex and the writer…..

Writing sexual scenes is extremely difficult. You would think it would be fun and sexy. Well, hate to say, it is not. It is truly agonizing. Writing about sex, sexual encounters, or just sexy stuff is out there in a thousand ways…and will always have an audience. But writing it in a way that is enveloping and not startling is more of a challenge.

When my characters come together I am intruding on the most intimate moments between two people. I feel so invasive and that I shouldn’t be there. I am not just writing words, I am a voyeur. I am literally walking around the scene watching from all angles of what is going on, and then writing it down. I am describing what they are doing, feeling and thinking. I am in the middle of two people’s intimacy. Characters come from my imagination, but as any writer can attest to, once established, they are entities all unto themselves. When I say they talk to me, they really do. I am merely a scribe typing down what is being dictated to me; I am an observer preserving the moment. They move and breathe around me and have life when I am not writing. I am just stepping into their world as a visitor. So, when I go to write about their sexual encounter, it is like I am intruding. It is so raw and personal! As the writer I have to be respectful of their privacy, but at the same time reveal it to the reader. How the reader experiences it may be as a voyeur, or as a participant all by how I engage myself as the writer. This will make the difference in the story as being gratuitous or significant.

I did not set out to write romance, per se. I set out to write a “lovely” story. More importantly, I wanted to write a story that re-introduced meaningful love that comes from a developed relationship and a purpose for passion. I know, some of you are thinking, “You need a purpose for passion?” In my books you do! I wanted to bring back a love story, not a sex story. So, when sex is involved, I have a great task of saying enough, but not describing every detail. I want my reader to say, “Oh my,” not “OMG!” In other words, I want it to be a book you can hand off to a friend without apologizing.

So, the question begs, “What is enough?”

Well, of course if it is a romance, readers are looking for sex. Duh! And a romantic story needs lots of passionate, steamy moments. But my goal is to make it beautiful, meaningful and alluring. You know, the kind that women dream about but rarely, if ever have! (But that is whole other blog unto it self!) I am not writing about sex to be gratuitous, graphic, or provocative. I am writing it because it is a part of the story; a development of the relationship between the two characters. It should be a part of the story; not just a scene. And thus, it is a difficult task. It becomes personal and intimate, and I feel like I have a responsibility to be honorable to my characters, as well as my readers.

I hope I do it justice.

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